i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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