Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
