you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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