and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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