im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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