Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
