I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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