i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
