Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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