I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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