I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
