wanna go halves on a baby?
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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