Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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