my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
