Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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