So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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