At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Two words: nipple clamps
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