its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
