you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
