Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
