i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
