That's when you crack a 10am beer
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
