I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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