Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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