Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
People in love make me want to vomit
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
