a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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