I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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