And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
