Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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