I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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