8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
