So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
