i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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