Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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