you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
