Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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