It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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