My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
