my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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