while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
