I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drake has all the answers
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
