We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
