I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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