I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
