So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize