Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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