Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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