people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
