Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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