apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
