i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
