im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I look better un-naked...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So. Much. Porn.
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