Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
