My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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