It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
