He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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