Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
