is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
