I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
