I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
