I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
