At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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