I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
