Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
